siimplictyy phiilosophyy..

After a year..

2011-09-14T03:50:00.002+08:00

It's been a year since I last update my blog.

Anyway, no one is actually tapping in either. Life's great for me in Lasalle. It's a art school FYI. Everyday theres homework and research for my individual studies. Stress does come into place. Time management gradually become a important as well.

As for my relationship now, IT'S complicated!
I really want to find someone to address my problem. Can you guys survive a relationship without the basic mutual understanding and trust. I think every relationship falls apart when suspicions occurred. And this, every little things I did, it's becoming a daily issues. I'm hoping that it's not going to implicate with my studies.

That's it for the day,
Ray.

Its like a farewell.

2010-09-14T02:58:00.002+08:00

Leaving her side n move back to home..

I'm feelin sad somehow.. I got to move on with life..
This is actually our time of obstacle.. Both of us has to work, thus, we would not hv time to be together..
Hope everything would go smoothly, yes, I'm mentally prepared for this day.

I'm sure everything I does is for our future. Just hope you are the one that I put eveything in it.
And hope I'm not walking alone.

after ord.

2010-09-12T20:55:00.003+08:00

its 3days since my ord...

i tink its time to go back study. but first i need to find a work for the time being.... lasalle, interactive art? maybe.. but i hv to prepare some portfolio...

this evening, her dad ask me to go home.. tinkin back again, will my life be wif my parent gone worst again.. all this stress is pushin me to teh limit! oh dear.

Setting new goal!

2010-08-22T01:37:00.002+08:00

thinking back into my past,
i has not been achiev'in anything... to actually achieve something out of myself.. i need to set myself with certain aspect to begin with.. so i came up with 5 option.

Teh 5' Good start.

1. Self-Discipline

2. Motivation

3. Self Esteem

4. Continuous improvement

5. Never give up

Whether if ima dreamer or a doer, i have to come to my sense. For wad iam.. i believe.

为什么？

2010-08-16T21:20:00.002+08:00

为什么我感觉不到那分爱了呢？

许要多点时间吗？

What would it be for our future?
I still can't see it, and I'm afraid she not the one.
Am I doing the right thing? By keeping quiet?

All I wished is not to quarrel, staying calm even at the most angry times.
这样对吗？

I'll lose it one day, I know. I'm mentally prepared.

leaving her.

2010-06-11T21:35:00.002+08:00

i really wish 2 leave this place.

the reason is her.

im more n more unknown to her existence.. she do her stuff n i do my stuff... i tried everything... i cant cope wif my current relationship. i really wished to break up now.. she hv changed.

i'll make my move if i can find a place...
as soon as possible.

i feel lonely.

2010-05-20T06:30:00.002+08:00

选择自己的决定。

2010-04-25T00:18:00.001+08:00

Be strong, Ray. Stop crying over it.

It's over already.

Not updating anymore.

2010-04-01T00:40:00.002+08:00

Ray, a idiot,

today I realize that wadeva I say to her is worthless.

Cause everything I say and is not gonna change.

We used to share 心事, and even on phone.
Now she din even wanna listen. Feel sad & helpless.

Now that she don't appreciate le. Why?
From today onward, I'll only keep my words & thoughts to myself, my only self.

I don't think I'll be updating my blog anymore.
She don't really need to read after all. All my thoughts will be kept beneath.
Our relationship will not last, defintely.

Life isn't simple, it's full of obstacles.
Studies is now my piority. Relationship will only pull me down.

Bb blog.

No more updates, sorry blog.

feel lonely.

2010-03-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

ii feel so lonely.

2010-03-25T01:37:00.002+08:00

drawiing from my iTouch, its a free apps, called "SketchBook Express".

commitment

2010-03-20T14:55:00.001+08:00

ii do not want another commitment.

it'll only result grieve, pain & sadness.

i cant give myself another chance to do so.

torture

2010-03-20T09:26:00.002+08:00

stopp torturing me...
i had enuff...
im already breaking down...

i dont feel confident in relationship any longer.
all i c is just self-love.

Lonely

2010-03-19T23:54:00.003+08:00

Watchin movie alone.
Walking alone.
B alone.

It ain't that bad.

ii wanna leave..

2010-03-19T15:58:00.002+08:00

ii wanna leave..
ii cant stand her..
y shuld i bother n stay..
ii coulda qo that time..
she like dont care me anymore..
petty over small money.. n not listen to wad i gatta say...
juz wth.

all thiss is just retarded.
i dowan to endure another shyt...

The Next Chapter

2010-03-14T13:47:00.001+08:00

In endless rain I've been walking
Like a poet feeling pain
Trying to find the answers
Trying to hide the tears
But it was just a circle
That never ends
When the rain stops, I'll turn the page
The page of the first chapter

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the morning begins
I'll be in the next chapter

Eye & girl

2010-02-27T23:52:00.001+08:00

I feel so fukdup today.
How can I lose a movie ticket. Haiis. Really felt so fukdup. I'm so freaking tired tired today.
I hasn't had my a gd rest since the past 24hrs. Everything juz gone bad.

Finding my getaway

2010-02-25T22:03:00.002+08:00

Today it's our 4th year anniversary.

Yet, it's not like how it supposed to be.
We almost quarral. We didn't chat or talk today

I don't deserve this relationship.
I'm disappoint & I gonna change my ways, my thinking.
I gonna say this to myself,
"Ray, would only love himself, and only himself."

Santanic says,
i'll uphold myself, be my own god.
I'm my own redemmer.

My Gratitude.

2010-02-22T17:16:00.001+08:00

My gratitute has been given.
Today was on mc. Im glad im away from e stressful camp.

the chocolate

2010-02-15T17:42:00.000+08:00

ii still wanna gif her the chocolate..

amount of stress

2010-02-15T17:34:00.000+08:00

I'm carrying a big amount of stress. help.

i cant trust anyone.

2010-02-13T09:34:00.002+08:00

Can i really trust her. My answer is 'i don't know'.

All i see is one-side story.

i giv everythin i hav.

2010-01-25T03:12:00.002+08:00

ii noe im easily agitated, i noe im not gd @ settlin relationship.

but,

ii triied not to quarrel alrdy, i give in, i giv u freedom.
i even gav up a proper home.

haiis.
i wan a simple simple simple life.

sudden breakdown

2010-01-25T02:43:00.002+08:00

i feel a sudden breakdown.

the relationship on her fb changed to single.
im so shocked.

really shocked.
damn shocked.. make me wanna cry...

ii dunno wad to do... im like not trustin her anymore...

iim shock. shock shock shock...

i juz wanna cry...

im confused.

its raining. be inspired.

2010-01-24T12:12:00.002+08:00

Was reading one of my fren book.
I find this inspiring quote. I would continue reading.

There is no heaven of glory bright, and no hell where sinners roast.
Here and now is our day of torment!
Here and now is our day of joy!
Here and now is our opportunity!
Choose ye this day, this hour, for no redeemer liveth.
Say unto thine own heart I am mine own redeemer.

i, would only lurve myself.

A new start.

2010-01-16T00:35:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,

today iive chat wiif someone.. I definitely felt better.
But in my mind, I still couldn't forgive. How shuld ii do.
I've always wanted a simple relationship. It's all juz a lie.

I still wanna luv her.
I still wish to hold her again.

I'm afraid it'll hurt me again.

Still, I wanna thank my listen ear* today.
I'm glad to hav ya around.

Rayy.

Realizing it is 2 late.

2010-01-15T04:18:00.002+08:00

I'm hurt again..

I'll never forget wad she said to me today.

I'll never worry again, never.

I hate it. I can't forgive.

Lost handphone & her

2010-01-15T01:15:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,
I lost my phone today. A cheap $50 phone.
I'm just wonderin wad Singaporean really tink.. Cheap.

Haiis..
She dont even bother callin me once she reach home...
Hate her freaking attitude.. I'll juz pretend she don't exist.
I know I'm NOT as important anymore..
She never realize how much I worried.
Never.

Ray.hatred is drawin me toward'em..

lost

2010-01-12T03:16:00.001+08:00

ray is lost.

can anyone find myself back?

2010

2010-01-02T01:22:00.003+08:00

My 1st 2010 post.

had nthin to write on.. liife is the same. =)

caught some of thiis on the net, to be a "happy person".

Step1
Purpose in your heart to be a happy person. Anything we desire to change in our lives must first start with a change of heart and a change of mind.

Step 2
Think on positive good things. What you dwell on affects your feelings. It's important to change your focus from the negative to positive good things.

Step 3
Take heed to what you watch on television and what you listen to on the radio, etc. Children are not the only ones who are affected and influenced by what they see and hear. We all are.

Step 4
Choose your friends wisely. It's important to have positive thinking and believing people around you. People are also influenced by the people that they are around the most.

Step 5
Most of all, have a grateful heart and attitude. When we are thankful for the little things, it helps you not to focus on negative things or complain about things you may not be able to change at the present time or at all.

ii dont tiink i'll b able to do it..

leavin

2009-12-27T18:01:00.001+08:00

am i leavin her?.. i got thiis feelin.........

lonelyness

2009-12-26T08:40:00.002+08:00

she left me alone on e christmas, our 46mth tgt is juz a plain fool...

how ii wish she didnt appear in my liifee now...

i wishh to forgo my misery......

run away

2009-12-25T13:00:00.002+08:00

i wannna juz runn n runn away from prob..

i dont wish to face it...

i hate dealin with prob..

yes, ima loser...

i dont wish to b part of the prob....

Not the same feeling.

2009-12-18T22:25:00.002+08:00

Spent e past few days with her yet, ii feel is not the same old warm feelin tgt..

hmmmmmm....

decision

2009-12-18T01:02:00.003+08:00

alot of things happen in life...
its a matter whether u could accept the fact or not...
you could choose the path which eva the way u made...

but the path u made...
may lead u to regretable decision...
regret is not a choice either...

i'll only wishh i could think as much b4 i made all thoso decision...
else... i wouldnt b regretting....

life is not easy.
yet, i still hav to carry on,
ray.

Bugis wiit baby..

2009-12-16T22:56:00.002+08:00

Meet upp wiif my babyy, ezann today.
We went to bugis todayy to gai gai n watch moviie. tho, the weather isnt dat pleasent... after moviie, we decide qo bugis street gai gai... on e wayy i met patrick.. din talk much n wen our separate=/ den after gai gai, had a dinner @ fu lu shou kopitiam.. n here iam now, home swt home. =O

ii juz hope.. she understand me more.

end here, ray.

being a gd boy, its so hard.

2009-12-15T10:22:00.002+08:00

ii'd realised being a gd bf is really hard...
iim feel wif giivin up thoughts... our life isnt the same anymore...

what shuld i do.

what shuld i do.

what shuld i do.

what shuld i do.

she completely numb. she juz dun know howw i feel...
we're not like couple... we dunn really sat down n talk....
she feel like more a stranger now... i cant embrace her any longer...

shall end here,
ray.

amuse of myself.

2009-12-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

barely lookin myself infront of e mirror more..
Perhaps ii muz look deeper thru my heart.. So that ii could truely understand myself more..

Back from taiwan.

2009-12-13T22:11:00.004+08:00

Juz came back frm taiwan @ 3am+..

hmmm. am so tirreed. caught up wif fever, cold.. coughin dao siao..
sundae din open polyclinic either... roar... endure~

taiwann trip supposedd to b a happy tripp.. but it turn awkward n bad..
my itouch was stolen, my gift for my parent n my gf was stolen dat worth 1500NT(around SGD75).. quarrel wif gf thru phone... i din really enjoy e trip.. i shulda when for my toe surgery den ggin to taiwan..

im borred @ home. yawnn..

haiis.

flu!

2009-11-26T23:57:00.002+08:00

its the flu, the flu!

the flu got caught up with me. or was it that i caught up with him?..
hope its not h1n1 ><"

feelin not loved! iim pissed off ytd of her msq.. i still cool down in e end.. life really is difficult to cope wif.. :(

im ggin taiwan tml. hope nthin happen to me.. i've dreamt of mi slidin down e hill.
but still if anythinq happen.. god pls forgive me for wad i had done. im not a faithful prayer.

i'll end here tonite. sweet dream, eh.

Booking, 9.

2009-11-22T19:01:00.002+08:00

Bookin soonn.. yawnnnn. ggin taiwann oso...
yawnnnnnnn.. sibeiiii sian de life...

todae.. when out wif my family to eat. packin my stuff...
play comp. =/ siannz.

To forgive or not.

2009-11-21T16:42:00.002+08:00

was tiinkin otherr dayy. iif i woulda forgive her.. would our life change back like the last time?

or is there hope i coulda juz hold back first...

im confused. its really hard to love someone.

haiis

2009-11-15T20:23:00.000+08:00

disappointment again.

iiiiiiim sadddddddddddd

2009-11-15T18:18:00.002+08:00

iim so tireed.. y is she lyk dat...
iim ggin crzy soon.. very sooonn....

she cant change 4 mii.. i wun giff a fcuk anymore..
let her do wad she wann... n i dun care...i wun even ask y...

im so pathetic togther now wif her... cant even havv peace.....
i'll keep quiet. till 1 day i dun even care if she around or even her existence.

Was am I to her?

2009-11-13T01:09:00.003+08:00

I'm gettiin impatient of herr.. Haiis..

Explodin.. Y she always make mii so pissed off.. I can't stand her hais..
Dun tell mii dat she return home.. Dun care my existence..
Ggin out late.. Wadeva liao.

Du LAN.

Jus keep quiet. Quiet. I wun say a things more.

camera!

2009-11-08T20:21:00.001+08:00

got myy selff a new camera.. thanx babyy..... x3

chillin @ home.

2009-11-07T00:26:00.002+08:00

broke! no $ go out.. rawr..

iim still tiinkin of e last week stuff. broke my heart.
stop tinkin already, ray, mybrainny..

yet, im still ok...

ii really cant giive up. rite?

boriin

2009-11-01T19:33:00.001+08:00

stayiin @ home so bored.
gggiiiiiinnn bak CAMP SOON. hate it.

thoughts.

2009-10-31T13:38:00.002+08:00

stayiin home. is she hidding things from me? cuz i saww smething. i cant open up 2 her.

2009-10-27T01:35:00.001+08:00

yawnnn bookin out aqain.

boredomm kill

2009-10-23T23:48:00.001+08:00

ITS SO BORIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN, yawn.

waking up.

2009-10-19T11:38:00.001+08:00

wad am i now? there no hope in doin my stuff.

2009-10-19T00:22:00.001+08:00

ii promiised i wun give her trouble anymore.

breakiin up..

2009-10-19T00:16:00.002+08:00

ii really cant stand her.. i toldd her dat ii dun feel loved anymore.. she juz dun seems to care.. shes liike hackcare...

reallyy wanna breakk up..

ii got e answerr noww... she juuz agreedd wiff it..
feell.......
sadd........
sadd...........
sadddd............
sadddddddd..............

ii gavee up. oct 19 2009, our last.

chalet @ downtownn EAST

2009-10-18T13:21:00.002+08:00

juz camee bak frm a tiirinq chalet~.. freakin tiirred..
its nice to c my oldskool frens! waha. reallly enjoy e day tho =)

ii kept tinkin of her. wad shuld i do.. she makin me upset day by day..
yawnnn.. ggin sleeep.

2009-10-17T15:11:00.002+08:00

Boom a beautiful flower of lurve,
Leaving its petals as mementos.

hopeless

2009-10-17T00:27:00.002+08:00

... ii realise another thiinq.. is there sometinq ii do wronq. i already say ii wun check her msg le... yet she wanna change e msn.. haiis... wtf...

iii totally lost fcukin 100% trust... is there tiings she dowann me to know?..

trust..

2009-10-17T00:11:00.002+08:00

juz book out...

isnt happy @ all... babyy got msg a moment ago... when she replyiin, i merely c wad she msginn.. she wen off n cover her phonee... sayin she msgin her colleage.. haiis ii totally lost trust wiff her.. fcuk dup la.. wad e point being together..

siian. tell me yy... iim piissed off. really missed off. ii givin up her. really.

bboookin sooon.

2009-10-15T16:42:00.001+08:00

ggiin back campp soon.. so borriiinq. yawnn.

is shee gettin dull of mee... she liike avoiidin me..
maybb she siian of mee le... ii duuno wad shee wann....

feelin wiif her has weaken gradually =(

Last day mc.

2009-10-15T02:03:00.002+08:00

Today my last day mc..
Diin really get to peii my gf.. I diin really talk to her much tiis few days.
Hmm. Would she understand me 1day?

She changed so much..

borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiin..

2009-10-14T22:56:00.000+08:00

todaee iis a boriiiiiiiiinnn day... yawnn.. juz tf2 all e way.. still dun hv a single hat... arugh.

2009-10-13T23:47:00.001+08:00

tuesday.
hmm.. todae wen sentosaa wif gf n her frens. quite enjoyyin =)

bookin in!

2009-10-11T20:02:00.002+08:00

boookin @ 2200 @ majucamp.

still freakin restless. came bak hme frm guard w/o restin enuff. roarr.
hmm.. got statues cuz of toe infection.. mayy not attend 32k routemarch.. =O..
OUCH!. havin prob wearin sock. - -"
i got tis another mix feelin for my babyy le.. i dunno how to explain. its makin me less concern for her.. wad happen. wad happen.. i tink its fading le. mayb its cuz of e quarrel.. makin me breakdown often.. haiis.. am i regretin?

baby toldd me dat shee spenttin outta xpends... ii alrdy gt tis feeliin in e first place... dont really affect.. cant control her.. she dun like me ctrl her oso.. so no point tellin her wad to do. =O

2009-10-11T13:36:00.002+08:00

thanx yiipenq, yonqli, kc & addy 4 celebratin my birthdae..
it was in camp~! im so touched. hahas..

2009-10-09T20:48:00.001+08:00

hadd a dinner wit my family juz noww... hmmm.. ggin back to camp soon. weekend burned. =O

my lil tthoughts.

2009-10-09T12:46:00.003+08:00

iit really botherrin me abt our relationshop.. so... ii msqq-ed her of how ii feel. ii hope she understandd.. our relationship is now like a thin line. iim tired of our life. its drownnin me. cann someone save me pls..

fall on 20

2009-10-09T02:57:00.003+08:00

iim fiinnally 20yrs old. hmm juz wakee up... happybirthdaee to myself. diin celebrate my birthdae wit my gf.. cuz of quarrel. haiis. iim afraid we couldnt last. i really tiink dat wayy now.

happybirrthdae to myself.

quarrel aqain.

2009-10-08T14:54:00.001+08:00

hmm. quarrel aqain. cuz of her fren. cb. haiis. faudup!
juz enjoy a tf2 game wit daniel. hes gd demoman xD.

b00k out.

2009-10-08T11:53:00.002+08:00

juz book out only ><". todae damn boredd. iim tinkin of her.. but i dunno if she is.. all the sms she replied looks uninterested. tml my birthdae. my guardduty 2.. yawnn.. fuck dup life. lost hope. x.x

bugiis trip..

2009-10-04T18:29:00.002+08:00

wennnt ouutt wiif babyy to buugiis.. peii her shoppiin... freakkiin siiann..
todaee got caughtt upp wit nea ppl... nb.. luckyy i diin anniihow throww ciig around e floor..
bak homee tf2 agaiin.. den bookin @ 2200. sianz. freakin no life..

whyy.

2009-10-04T10:07:00.001+08:00

aqain.. almost quarrel.. haiis.. ii gv in so muchh liao.. wadevaa wad ii e tiinqs ii do fur herr she nv c de.

ii needd a neww leadd..

2009-10-03T23:18:00.000+08:00

peiiin my ezann todaee... siiann bookiin tml.. cann peii herr iim happy ler..

<3ezann..

lil daee aheadd..

2009-10-03T21:24:00.000+08:00

myy dayy startt forr my lil simplictyy phiilosophyy.